That Damn Spotlight!

Mumbai, 30th March 2022

Phone in hand, I froze. Suddenly, every face in the audience became clearly visible to me, all looking at me. Talking to people was my profession, but today, I was talking about myself, my creation, my poem, the hook line was coming up, and I had stumbled on the previous line. This needed to go well, otherwise, the entire fun of the poem would have gotten lost. 

Hands shaking, I took a deep breath and continued. 

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Glossophobia- the fear of public speaking, affects about 75% of the population. Some individuals feel slight nervousness, while some experience outright fear. Those staring eyes, those mocking faces, those uninterested looks, and those dreaded yawns! 

I was a glossophob too. 

Image Courtesy: https://images.app.goo.gl/CrPL8r2TCYf74K126

Let alone public speaking, I was uncomfortable talking in family gatherings! My modus operandi was to sit in the farthermost, discreet corner of the room, and gaze at a corner, cooking up stories (some of which are now getting translated into blog posts). Luckily for me, my school was adamant about sending kids on stage- and almost every month, I was on stage for some reason or the other. To counter the fear, I started practicing (every line, every word, even the joke), and gradually, overcame my fear. As luck would have it, I gradually transitioned into a profession that involves public speaking daily! The fear gradually became a strength (aided by still practicing every slide, every joke, every exercise, before every training). After receiving decent feedback, I started enjoying creating and delivering content, which also translated into speaking up in the family as well. Today, I am an uncontrolled freak :) 

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Our team was headed for its first offsite. As a part of the introductions, everyone had to introduce themselves with either a ppt/an act or any unique thing. While initially thinking of a ppt, I ended up writing a few lines of a poem and was ready to present myself. As luck would have it, I was the first to present. After years of conducting training, anchoring, and stage shows behind me, I strode up, brimming with confidence. I looked at the poem, then at the people ahead of me, and then I panicked! The schoolboy in me was back, the shy, afraid, quiet boy who kept his thoughts to himself. 

Hands shaking, I took a deep breath and continued. 

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While I powered through- I kept wondering. Why, after so many years, why had I panicked? I had obviously overcome my fear, so why the nervousness? The answer was simple-this was about me. It was not an impassive topic /training which I could waltz off without a thought. Talking about yourself/your creation can be difficult, as I found out that day. 

So my question to you is- why is it so? You have the easiest topic at hand- yourself, so why is that so difficult? The inner voice, the inner critic always wakes up wanting to hit a six on every ball, always wanting to stay on the attack. 

What makes the conversations difficult, is our desire to avoid them! And well, there is no way of avoiding these conversations. So a simple solution is to simply power through- make mistakes, fumble, stutter, but power through. Don't leave the stage, complete what you had set out to do- but don't give up. Not surprisingly, this is true for everything else as well- whatever be the failure, you HAVE to power through!

Think about it!