Know Your Anger Triggers!

Go back a few years and recall the famous Dr. J.Asthana’ s laughter therapy to control anger (for the uninitiated, Dr. Asthana was a character in the movie Munnabhai MBBS). A simple Google search returns top 25 ways of controlling anger- talking a walk, count down, stop talking being the top used ones.

 Anger is a natural response to perceived threats. Life is not always rainbows and unicorns; there will always be instances where you feel angry. Numerous examples from day to day life can lead to anger- something trivial as the maid not coming, general disagreements on what to wear, what to watch, what to eat, etc, and serious topics like behavior, thought process, etc. Now we all know (or is) that person, who is a known “Hulk”- loses control very easily and starts shouting/vents out her/his anger vehemently. Why is it that a few people can still control their voice, cuss words, and volume when though they might be boiling inside, while some just lose it even on the slightest thing like someone overtaking their vehicle, or not agreeing on a small thing? The answer is your anger triggers.

The simplest way to do that is to get a piece of paper and reflect that in the past week, what made you angry. It can be a person, an event, not getting due respect, a misunderstanding the list goes on and on. Jot down exactly what made you angry and more importantly, is this something which you still think about. Studies show that major causes of anger resurfacing are due to the person not getting closure on the point which led to anger in the first place. Our step two thus becomes getting a proper closure to that point- which probably is the most difficult step, because that involves either apologizing or getting an apology- something which human nature tends to make a big issue of!  The third step is then finding ways to remove that event from recurring. This can include defining a way of talking, arriving on mutual common ground, or simply laying down a process for end a spat/fight.

On the personal front, I have seen two things working for me. One is proper sleep- when properly rested, I remain calm and controlled, which helps in overcoming my anger trigger. Secondly, many times, simply not replying to an accusation/angry jibe/retort leads to the other party letting their steam off in a matter of minutes. Last and the most effective, when on the verge of shouting/blasting, I just get up and go for a short walk/engage in a different activity. This cools me down almost immediately, which helps in keeping the nerves down. (Disclaimer- I am no expert, and these things don't always work but remain pretty useful).

Image Courtesy: https://gippslandsgold.com.au/articles/precautionary-alert/

My suggestion: complete the exercise of writing down your anger triggers. If nothing else, it goes a long way in knowing yourself much better. The more we are sorted about ourselves, the more sorted will be our words and actions. Both impact people in our lives. Think about it!